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I Love Lucard
Written by Stu Wooley, Directed by Allan Kroeker.
Tease
(In Black and white. An aircraft carrier misty night - Chris and Sophie in true Casablanca style. Gustav is there as well)
Chris: It doesn't matter whether I love you or you love me. What matters is he need you, and the cause needs you both.
Sophie: Oh darling you're so noble and so masculine. But what will happen to you?
Chris: never mind that now sweetheart. Here take these baseball cards It's the complete national league all-stars set for 1958. Now get going, before I change my mind.
(from off screen)
Lucard: Not so fast
(he gradually appears in full Gestapo outfit)
Lucard: I'll take those cards
Chris: No Herr Major, you'll take this
(Chris stakes Lucard . . . Cut to Gustav and all sitting in the Helsing home)
Gustav: You mean the Nazi major was really a vampire all along? Yeah well I must confess I'm a little confused
Max: Well hang on a second I'm not finished yet . . . . The End
(We see Gustav, Chris, Sophie, Max and two visitors, a man and a woman sitting around the room)
Max: Ok now I'm finished. As a professional novelist Mr Burton what do you think?
(Max drops his manuscript now in a plain envelope and it gets confused with Lance Burton's own manuscript. He sets them back on the table)
Lance: Well Max, I think your story has a ring of truth to it, the eternal war between man and vampire. Not unlike my latest book as a matter of fact
Max: Well that's great, cause I've got the meeting that you set up for me with your publishers in woah 12 minutes! I got to cycle (grabbing one of the manuscripts) Bye (he leaves)
(Cut to opening credits)
Act 1
(Interior Helsing home)
Lance: It's going to be my greatest triumph Gustav and I owe it all to you. The basic idea anyway. Your lectures all those years ago really stayed with me. Later, I began to dig for evidence and now I have Vampires Among Us. I name names of vampires. Some of them famous. Including a certain European billionaire
Margo: You know I love Lance dearly but I think he's lived with his book a little too long. Vampires among us in the twentieth century. What's your opinion Gustav?
Gustav: Oh I haven't thought of vampires in years and years not since I was teaching. I'd be cautious though with allegations about wealthy and powerful people.
Lance: Allegations? You know as well as I do that Alexander Lucard and Dracula are one in the same being
(Cut to Lucard staring at a newspaper. There is a picture of Lance and Margo with the headline 'Famous Occult Novelist Come To Town' he throws the paper down obviously upset)
(Interior Helsing home. Max comes through the door)
Max: I'm rich, I'm successful, I'm home
Gustav: And I'm right here facing yet another remorseless bloodsucking monster (he is surrounded in papers) The government. It's tax time. What's all the commotion about?
Max: I'm going to be published Uncle Gustav. The world first ten year old novelist.
(We see Chris rearing his head from the sofa)
Max: I'll be on the cover of Time, People, even Tv Guide
Chris: And a guitar player, a guitar player would be great
Gustav: Let me get this straight Max they actually liked your novel?
Max: Yeah. Mr Burton's publisher read three pages and then said son this has remarkable market potential
Chris: Woah! And then what happened?
Max: And then, oh then I came home. I can still live here can't I? Even when I'm rich and famous and on Arsenio?
Gustav: (laughing) Of course you can Max
Max: great. It won't be permanent or anything just till I get myself settled in my own place. I better get going on our investment plan. Seya
(Chris goes after him, Gustav looks confused)
(to be completed)
Transcribed By Elaine. Please e-mail any corrections to corrections@dracula.tvheaven.com